Here come the girls

How many women does it take to put up a fence?

The answer is one.

Actually, it’s amazing what you can find out on YouTube. I typed ‘putting up a fence’ in the search box and got hundreds of results. Luckily for me, there is one near the top where a very nice man speaks to us in words of one syllable and shows us exactly what to do. The result, after a week of hard graft, is a fine-looking fence. Don’t look too closely at it, though, or you’ll see the odd gap and remonstrate with me for not being as expert with a straight edge as I should have been.

But even that is a revelation to me. By the time I knew that two of the poles were not straight, it was too late. The instant concrete had set and the damage was done. No problem … all I had to do was ‘persuade’ the panels to fit and buy some clips that would attach them across the (minor) gaps and I was there. And the whole operation had been witnessed by a man on the other side of the fence who eventually asked me if I take orders. Well … no, was the answer at the time, but I am secretly considering repeating my success in another part of the garden.

Why did I do it myself? That’s an easy one – I don’t have the hundreds of pounds it would have cost to get a man to do it. And I’ve always been one to have a go at things myself. I’ve done tiling, lain floors, fitted lights, mended pipes, even minor plastering work. There never seems to be enough money to pay for these things so I’ve fired up YouTube, watched the videos and had a go. It hasn’t always worked as well as I’d like, but mostly it’s been fine.

Here’s another question: How many women does it take to put up a small party gazebo?

The answer is however many are prepared to have a go – in this case, three.

This was an interesting one, because the instructions seemed too vague and once the token man had ‘done his bit’ and walked away, we realised we needed a different tack. One of us, however, can’t work with a pile of poles randomly laid out on the ground so we followed her preference of laying them out in order and working from there. It took less than five minutes, once we’d realised that what the aforementioned man had done was incorrect. It looked nice, too.

And here’s one more question: How many women does it take to put a barbecue together?

The answer is I don’t know because every time we’ve tried (two of us) we’ve failed. We’ve failed because we see things differently and end up arguing about what goes where. The ‘barbecue’ has become the elephant in the room. And I don’t care what any man thinks about that.

Anyway… got to go. There’s an issue under the sink that needs dealing with and a toilet that needs replacing. And I really am serious about that fence.

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